“Love is the intuitive knowledge of our hearts. It’s a “world beyond” that we all secretly long for. An ancient memory of this love haunts all of us all the time, and beckons us to return.” (Williamson)
I remember when I was a child it was extremely natural to run after the butterflies, especially the white ones. It was natural to hug my parents tightly when I came from school or when I was scared or when I cried because of hurting my finger or knee. It was natural to kiss my parent's cheeks and lips and say, "goodnight I love you." and hear them say that back to me. It was fun playing with my friends from hide and seek to rolling tires down the "hills". I didn't get the chance to do duff mpararo but I guess it was fun too😭. It was extraordinarily creative to make flying jets out of papers, to make paper Mache out of newspapers, and to make balls out of the mud. In all these experiences there was a great pleasure. I felt loved and most importantly I felt love within myself.
But as I grew older and looked back, I asked myself, what happened? At what age did all the enchantment die? But now I realize it didn't die it was hidden. We buried love and gave birth to thoughts of competing with one another for the supposedly limited resources out there. We started hearing and internalizing that we are only as good as our grades, the careers we choose, the cars we will drive, the houses we will build, and the kind of love partners we will choose for ourselves. We started feeling guilty for loving and embracing the simplicity of life because now there was a right way of doing things and for sure there is a wrong way to. We came to see life through other people's eyes. Have you ever thought we are living this life for the first and only time?
In our arena of competitiveness, guilt, and doing things the right way, fear grew inside of us. We know this isn't the career path we are most passionate about but we fear if we follow our passions in the eyes of society, we are failures or we may fail and it will prove society right. We know we are beautiful and unique people; we don't always think like everyone else, we probably matured faster than our peers, we don't always want to do life like everyone else but we fear if we step in and show our true selves it won't match up to the "normal" of the world. We may be labeled weird. We know for sure we want a relationship with someone out there but we fear it may not end happily ever after. We know for sure life is short and we fear dying young also we might live to 70years plus and we fear growing old. We overvalue what we see with our naked eyes and undervalue what we know is true in our hearts. (Williamson)
As a generation, we have deliberately hidden our true selves and in turn, self-hatred has grown inside of us. We express it through addiction, toxic relationships, depression, sickness, obsessions, anger and compulsion. We are always desperately looking for a way out. Maybe this relationship will do it or this therapist, this motivational talk or video, this hustle, this degree, or this diet. Often this proves to be a temporary solution. Eventually, we start to realize that we are the problem and we start sabotaging everything. From our education to our relationships, to our friends, to family, our health, and the knowing that we are deserving and enough. Overeating, code pending, controlling, obsessing, doing drugs, and hiding becomes the order of the day. All this misery because we buried love and learned fear.
Recently, I was listening to a video where Taraji P. Henson said, "everything in life that is coming to you is going to come through you. It starts inside of you. Whether it's love from another, from a male or from whoever. That love has to start within you. If you don't know how to take care of yourself or care for yourself first, how are you going to teach someone else to."
Love is in us. Love can't be attached to money, houses, cars, sex, and prestige, but love can be expressed as kindness, non-judgment, patience, joy, acceptance, peace, and intimacy with ourselves and others. I hope we realize that love is real and we can take the courageous step to go within ourselves and set it free to fully experience it just as we did as children.
Sending love your way,
Williamson, Marianne. A return to love. HarperCollins, 1996.